I found my card reader!

So I found this little beauty.

I've been really inspired by some beautiful blogs lately. And I realized that I need to be having way more fun writing and snapping photos in my daily life. So I press onward! Forgetting the mistakes and short comings of the past, pressing forward to the exciting things of the future :)

Life can feel so heavy sometimes. Lately I feel like I've been caught in this whirlwind of distractions.. Only looking at my own lists and agendas that I've stopped talking to the Lord. But then I'm so ready to complain about how I feel like He's not giving me the attention or love that He's promised. So I feel ignored and let myself feel hurt even though I know I've been ignoring Him. 

In the midst of all these feelings the Lord put on my heart to start a "sixty day challenge." He didn't give me a formula for the challenge. There's no reading plan or specific prayer time. I've tried to set up things like that before in the past and I always wind up feeling like a failure when I can't stick to it. So for the next sixty days I just want to be more aware of God's presence. Whether I ask Him where I left my car keys or just rant about work, I just want to be including Him in my day.

Tomorrow will be our first day (Stan's excited to take on the challenge with me). I'm interested in seeing where it goes and how we'll feel at the end of sixty days.. like I said I've never really stuck with any spiritual routine that long :P I hope to learn more about the Father's heart in these next two months.. to feel more fulfilled and loved than I ever have before.

                 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.
- Jeremiah 29:13 MSG

Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 

- Jeremiah 29:13 AMP

Come close to God and He will come close to you.
- James 4:8

desires and failures

It's easy to feel caught up in the troubles and to-dos of the day. I'm constantly only seeing my life as the week I'm living out. However this morning I took a moment for some self reflection while wondering if I should get out of bed and cease my facebook stalking. Browsing through a few high school buddies pages got me thinking about the expectations I had for myself when I was fifteen. What did I really want to do with my life? What were my goals and my desires? Hmmmm... definitely to have my very own boyfriend, that my breasts would magically get bigger and the never ending hope that I would wake up one morning with no acne! But beyond the typical teenage girl ambitions I don't remember ever having a clear idea of what I wanted to be or what I needed to accomplish. I remember small moments of satisfaction.. feeling fulfilled when I was creating.. looking forward to serving.. enjoying spending one on one time with children.. When it came to deciding what I "wanted to do with the rest of my life" I simply built off those things. I never would have dreamed that I'd end up where I am now. God has such a sneaky way of transitioning us into unexpected places!

The last few years have been.. crazy! Hmm I say crazy because I think it captures the idea of high highs and low lows. I have never been happier and I have never been more frustrated. I've been learning about myself, who I am as me, who I am as a wife, who I will be as a mother. I've been learning about my health/body, that my body hates gluten, that I need to work out, that I need more sleep.. O_O And maybe most importantly I've been learning how to deal with failure and forgive myself. It's so easy to see my short comings over and over again and feel completely defeated. But I'm beginning to understand failure and struggle push me to learn and make different decisions. I don't need to be afraid of messing up. I don't need to be angry at myself. I need to give myself the same patience I would give a friend. I am not perfect but I am always learning. And I am realizing that's enough.

Hiiii there old pal. I'm sorry I have been gone so long. Life has been very full; surprise parties, moving, family visits, unpacking/organizing, job hunting.. etc etc. But I'm happy to announce that I will be much more present from here on out. There are lots of things I'd like to share with you, things I've been doing and things I've been thinking about but for now I just have a few simple thoughts I wanted to post. As I was updating my art blog with the latest wedding piece (you should go sneak a peek:)  I suddenly found myself discussing marriage to.. myself? and decided to drop those thoughts here instead:

Marriage is so.. interesting. I feel like I've grown a lot in my understanding, ideas, and expectations of what marriage is. I smile thinking back to my own wedding day knowing the innocent, naive ideas I had of what it would mean to be a married women. But I like that that's where I was and that this is where I am now. I still want to approach marriage (and love) with that same innocence but I'm happy to have gained greater knowledge of it as well. A marriage union has such amazing and limitless potential. I want to be tapping into that. I sense some life lessons being learned very soon.. Stay tuned friends..

Good morningg

Life has been busy busy busy getting ready for our move. Our place is a wreck and I'm ready to get out of it all! Work was really busy for Stan but fortunately has slowed down. I have quite a few things to do today but have been camping out on craigslist looking furniture O_O I can't get enough of it!

While shifting everything into boxes I ran across a bunch of CDs from college and was reminded of this lovely band Bellarive. I've spent the morning listing to their older EP and the last 20 minutes listing to their more recent song over and over. I'm trying to get into the habit of playing worship music regularly. Recently I've been hooked on the radio but sticking on just a few worship songs in the morning changes the whole feel of my day. Check out Bellarive, they're music has brought me a lot of peace and encouragement.

I've been thinking a lot about family recently. The idea of growing a baby inside of me sounds.. terribly strange and scary at times but I know it's something we've been called to do. We've been called to have a family. Presently it's just us two but I want us to be working towards creating/living in the atmosphere we want our children to grow up in. One of the most important things to me is to have a very honest, open, transparent home. I also want us to be creative together and eat lots of veggies. I want regular family dinners and weekly prayer nights. I want game night weekends and random ice cream runs.

The Lord's been talking to me about how much power is present when a family is functioning properly. Families are so important because they've been designed to change the world.

I stumbled across an old email from a friend that reminded me of this beautiful decal from UrbanWalls. I very much so want this in our home :)

my poolside wish list

The weather has been so amazing here and I am thankful for every minute of it! I love summer because it holds so many memories. My family would always head down to Florida for a few weeks in the summer to enjoy the gulf coast and white sand. A bunch of my family would rent out beach houses and we'd have spaghetti dinners and late night swims at the pool. We'd celebrate all the July birthdays (me, my brother and my sister) and watch the Olympics while eating Klondike bars. It was always lots of fun :)

Summer in the east bay is a lot different (colder and rainier) but so far it's been good to us and I'm praying it stays that way! I mentioned before that we are moving into a new place this summer and one of the exciting features is the little community pool. I'm not into laying out for a tan (I'm pretty pale and try very hard to protect my little white self when outside) but I want to start reading by the pool and going for dips while the weathers nice. So naturally I've been seeking out some poolside necessities :)

FredFlare, $12

My mom would always have these kind of brown sunglasses with the leopardy? texture,

 I've been hoping to find a good pair. I find myself gravitating towards lots of things that remind me of my family recently. 

These pretty ones are from Forever21, less than $6. I love Forever21!

I've been pretty stuck on my heart sunglasses lately (I just love the smiles I get when I wear them :) but there's a pair I found a few weeks ago that I can't stop thinking about! The weird thing is, I don't totally remember what that wonderful pair of sunglasses look like (.. I'm weird) but I keep thinking about them. That must mean I like them... right?

Macy's, $106

My swimsuit drawer generally consists of just a few suits but this week 

I've been contemplating expanding my swimming horizons. 

I especially love this pretty one piece from Macy's.. I might have to go find it at the mall this weekend. 

Macy's, $88

Target, $25

And of course you need a good cover up/tee and a solid bag when planning for pool + beach visits. 

I use to love my terry-cloth-hoodie-cover up when I was little.. I'll have to keep looking for one of those :) 

Feather 4 Arrow on ScoutMob, $25

My mom always has really bright big beach bags and currently I have none! 

I'm in love with the yellow + blue combination but I'm wondering if I should try to make my own soon. 

jayciMay on Etsy, $40

FredFlare, $26

I hope the week's been going smoothly for everyone out there. 

I have a feel this is going to be a really wonderful summer.

I love this face.

I could become a crazy cat lady so easily. I feel it in my bones.

life in pictures

I've been battling a bit of a cold/allergies this last week. Lots of soups, resting, cat cuddling and television finales.

Saturday night I sat down and watched the first feature film Stan was apart of making. I couldn't be more proud of him. Stanley is constantly inspiring me through his work and self discipline. He's always willing to listen, learn, and make changes. I can't believe I have such an amazing leader and best friend to spend every day with.

I know great things await this man and I'm so thankful that I get to be apart of them.

The last few weeks have been busy busy! We've been off to Florida for a wedding and were able to spend lots of wonderful time with college friends. Since being back we've been hosting family and traveling around the city. 

I'm looking forward to having some alone time soon, but it'll be a busy month packing up to move into a bigger place across town :) 

I know it's going to be different but with every change in life there's growth, so I'm excited!

I want to be making changes especially as we transition into this new place.

I want to relax more. Recently I've allowed myself to get stressed or worried over all sorts of things. And I'm tired of it. Sunday my eyes were opened to the truth that whatever you are willing to tolerate is what will shape your life. I'm not going to tolerate sudden fear or anxiety anymore. It will not shape my life.

I want to live loved. I want to wake up every morning fearless because I understand how much the Lord loves me. I want to operate in that love throughout the day. When I'm interacting with people, when I'm working, when I'm driving. When I'm dancing while I'm driving. To consistently be acting in the love that I've been given.

These are my new goals.

As I write that statement I'm reminded of my failures. Of all the times I've done this before, said I would change but slid back into my old habits. But we can't allow our past to keep us from moving forward. I'm not perfect. I can tell you right now I will fall short in accomplishing these few things. But I'm hungry for more. If these few things can move me into more, I'm going to start changing my thinking.

Never stop looking for ways to grow. Never let past failure keep you from moving forward.

a time for everything

I love being full of joy.

I love smiles and giggles and uplifting attitudes. I don't always feel like it but I do my best to emulate happiness because I love being happy and I know I have plenty of reasons to be. This last week though I've been realizing, one emotion is not meant to run our whole life. This morning I've been reading through Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,

    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.  

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathomwhat God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

 A close friend of ours lost her sister, Tiffany*, very suddenly last week. She was so young, it feels.. so unfair. I know she's in Heaven and that's wonderful and beautiful but it's left me heartbroken for her family and opened my eyes to the fact that I've never totally grasped that full understanding about seasons in life. Seasons of mourning and sad things.

At her funeral Tiffany's dad said "life is all about people." I loved hearing that from him. In a time of great loss and sadness her entire family stood so strong on that understanding and gave thanks for Tiffany's life.

Life is short but we are here to reach out to the people around us. To love them with the love the we've been given. Money, success, things.. all fade away. But souls live on for forever. We live on.


*If you click here you can give to Tiffany's family online to help cover the sudden expenses they were not anticipating. Just wanted to be sure and include this link this incase anyone had in their heart to bless this family.

learning how to rest

Are you tired?
Worn out?
Burned out on religion?

Come to me.

Get away with me
and you'll recover your life.

I'll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me -- what how I do it.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.

Keep company with me and  you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)

recommended reading

Today I ended up poking through Relevant magazine online and came across this alluring title. At first glance I didn't feel like the author, Ward, was totally feeling my marriage vibes. Overall I'm not a fan of the way he phrases his first point, though I understand what he's saying about sacrifice and growth. I just like the phrase "happily ever after" :)

But from his first point, I loved this:

I have gone through so many moments in our short time of marriage where I suddenly see something about myself I don't like. When I think about it... I don't think I've ever noticed so many negative things about myself in such a short period of time! It can feel really overwhelming and embarrassing but Stan is always at my side, encouraging me to make changes and helping me to move forward.

Ward's second point is great too (I wont tell you that one so it can be a surprise!) but when I read the final point my heart fluttered.

The Lord gave me a greater understanding of this statement while praying for my sister-in-law last year. She was preparing to become a blushing bride so I had been asking the Lord how to encourage her during that last stretch of wedding preparation. The Lord showed me that a wedding is not only a celebration for the two individuals becoming one, but all the hundreds of people that will come from their union. The families that will form because of those two "I do"s. It's so easy to only see the bride and the groom in that moment of flowers and makeup and fancy suits. But the bigger picture is that they are taking the first step towards creating a family that will change the world.

You can read through the whole article here. It's an really interesting read and has some great truth in it that I think more people need to hear, both before and after they're married. 

one-hundred percent you.

I often feel like I don't have many "strong" opinions. I have my opinion and I know it's mine but I don't always vocalize it. I can be pretty go-with-the-flow in most circumstances and if people have strong ideas about a subject or about what we should do, I listen. If I get the opportunity to share my own side I do and if I don't, then I don't. 

Lately I've been feeling like there are so many strong opinions around me. So many people telling me what they think is right. Sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly. Whether its about how I should spend my money, what I should wear, what/who I should vote for, the right age to start a family, I realize I've allowed myself to absorb a lot of opinions without really understanding my own. 

Most recently I've allowed other people's ideas on family really shake me up. Last night I had this beautiful moment when I burst into happy tears and started declaring that I didn't agree with any of those people and I didn't care what they thought! :) I know who I am. I know who the Lord has made me to be and that is exactly who I will be. 

Take some quiet time to ask the Lord who He says you are. Hold those words close to your heart. You're always going to be surrounded by other people's opinions, just remember to keep who you are insight.

a best friend

Going into college I understood the foundation of who I was but I really became "me" over those four years. When I started my art school adventure I knew what it meant to come from a loving and encouraging family, I knew that Jesus was alive and I knew I loved talking to people. The first week of school I met lots of wonderful individuals (including my husband:) but it was a few months later I officially met Ginger in drawing class. I was on the hunt for a roommate and Ginger just happened to be looking to move on campus. It was a match made in Heaven! Becoming Ginger's friend just.. happened so naturally. She moved in and we were best friends :) 

(**side note for the picture above** You have no idea how amazing this photo is. We took like six photos on our computer together, not looking at each other, and made the SAME FACE every time. We're awesome and totally weird that way)

Best friends are so important. A real girl friend that you can be totally honest with and who will be totally honest with you, even when you don't want to hear it. A huge part of figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be has been through my friendship with Ginger. Getting to know her heart for people, being surrounded by her love, seeing her strengths, hearing about her weaknesses, every late night adventure has brought me where I am today. I'm a better person because of her.

I want to encourage you today to look around at the friends you've had + the friends you have and ask yourself these questions.

- Whose caused a positive change in my life?
- How did they do it?
- What did they do that made me feel loved?
- What do I wish they did differently?

And most importantly
 - How can I become that life-changing-kinda friend to others?

We need to use our experiences, whether good or bad, to help us reach out to the people around us. You have been made to change lives. You can help people become the person they've been called to be. It doesn't matter where you are or how you feel, the truth is you are a light where ever you go. Don't let fear or bitterness from the past keep you from becoming the very best friend you can be.


I'm so thankful for Ginger. For her patience with me, her never ending forgiveness and her constant presence in my life, even when we're so far apart. I'm excited to love on people the way she loves on me.

Happy birthday my Gingy :) I love you forever and always.

Photo Credit Kristen Marie

no fear here.

Last week I went in for a haircut. And not just my normal tiny trim but like a real haircut. To some people that's no big deal but if you understood my crazy hair mindset you'd see it was a big deal. Tenth grade was my last real haircut and I cried for days. I felt so ugly I avoided mirrors for weeks and promised myself I would never cut my hair like that again. Through college I began to picture myself in the future, welcoming in my grandchildren with long flowing gray hair that hung past my waist (they would probably all braid it for me as we enjoyed a picnic in a field of butterflies.. :). I've always enjoyed consistency, so my master hair plan was perfect. Why change something that kept me feeling so comfortable?

In February Stan was asked to go to Hawaii to teach a week long class at the YWAM (Youth With A Mission) base in Kona. It was a wonderful reason to go and it couldn't have come at a better time. I realize now that Hawaii is one of those over played places to go because it's BEAUTIFUL and everyone should go! The beaches and tropical weather were soothing but really made the trip was all the people we were able to met. I've never spent time in such a warm and loving community. Being able to unwind in the prayer room and spending the week surrounded by so much love changed us. It wasn't instant, but I can still see and feel how much of a difference it made. The trip woke us up from our comfortable winter slumber and challenged us to change.

When we got back I began to see our lives differently. It was as if a veil had been pulled away from my eyes and everything seemed so clear. I saw how much fear and condemnation I was living in. I even realized how it got in. Over two years ago I was dealing with a few health issues and began to fear death and sickness. When I moved to California it stuck around and I was afraid to go out by myself, afraid of what people would think of me, afraid of messing up, afraid of making people angry, afraid of not hearing for God or making Him angry. It was everywhere. It had changed the way I was living. The way I saw life, the way I made decisions. And I realized I didn't have to keep living that way.

Getting a haircut had been on my to-do list for awhile. It had been over a year (whoops!) since my last cut and with my thyroid slacking off a little my ends were not looking so hot. I was just about to make an appointment when I began thinking about how much value I put on my hair. I loved long hair. I envied people with long hair, even though I had it. My long hair was apart of who I was. It made me feel beautiful, it gave me confidence. My reality had been that if I ever lost it or had a terrible hair cut I would totally loose any beauty I had.

I've never totally understood what people meant when they would say "I need to do this for myself" but in that moment it made perfect sense. I needed to do this. For myself. To prove to myself, to the Lord, to the devil, that I wasn't afraid. And I wasn't going to be afraid anymore.

I gave Stanley my big speech on no more fear, not being so stuck on physical beauty and having a more heavenly mindset. When I finished my passionate rant he said he had felt afraid of cutting his hair too and was excited to jump into our new no-fear-here lifestyle. So last week we chopped off all our hair. The day it happened I felt so peaceful. The last few months have had their ups and downs but that day I felt like I had been restored back to myself.

I'm excited to be entering into this new season of no fear. Fearful thoughts still come, but they are not allowed to stay. I'm girl filled with freedom and I'm excited to start living each day that way.

I sought the Lord and He heard me

and He delivered me from all my fears.

- Psalm 34:4